I know what it’s like to carry the world on my shoulders, to feel like there is nothing that can knock me down. I know what it’s like to think I am invincible, as if there is nothing I can’t handle on my own. And I know what it’s like, to be awaken from such dreams.
One of the hardest things for any person to do, is to realize that they can’t rely on only themselves and their own imperfect, human strength. We all need help, in one way or another. There comes a time when we have to step down and see that we can be weak.
My mom goes to AA, her counselor tells her to rely on a higher power, because her weakness is too strong for her to fight on her own. This is not to say that my mom isn’t strong, she is one of strongest women I know; she raised two kids on her own, worked every single day, and she took care of both of her in-laws until they passed away. She has a beautiful heart and takes any opportunity where she can lend a hand to someone in need. Still, she has this inner struggle, a self-destruct button that she tends to push when she feels down, which can be very often. She saves everyone around her, she helps anyone that she can, but she forgets about herself- about the help she needs, and that’s how the terrible cycle continues. It’s not easy for mom to rely on a higher power, she isn’t used to relying on anything or anyone that isn’t herself, but it’s the only way she can win the battle that occurs within her.
I know that you are strong. You have probably carried the world on your shoulders for a very long time now. But, you get tired, exhausted even, after holding up for so long. You start to remember what it was like before you had all of this weight on you, when you had the freedom to do as you pleased, and you start to become sad, an unbearable, un-ending sadness, but you don’t want the world to see you this way, to see you weak, because you… are so many people’s only strength.
The pressure can be unbearable, the pressure to be perfect, to help other people, to do all of the work, you might feel like, there is no time to even think about the help you need. But, let me tell you by experience, that this is the worst thing you can do to yourself, you wear yourself out so quickly when you have this frame of mind. You are strong, but, sometimes, you need some reinforcement, some help from a higher power. Because, we all have battles, that can be within our self, or our environment. Whatever it is that you are up against, I can assure you that you are not alone. There is a beautiful strength in seeing your weaknesses and realizing when they take place. That is the first step in any form of recovery.
So, what is your higher power?