Why do people lie? The truth can be scary, it can be painful, complicated, difficult. But, isn’t the truth supposed to set us free? Well… is that what we want? Do we want to be free? Or, are we too comfortable, living in the cages we have built for ourselves?
I lied a lot when I was little, a lot more than the average kid. My aunts and uncles would ask me if my mom was drinking again. I would say no, because I was afraid of what would happen if I told the truth. I would keep a lot of things hidden, for a lot of different people. As I grew older, I continued on this pattern, except now, I had secrets of my own, things that I hid about myself, things that I could never imagine speaking to another soul. I lied, even when there was no real need too. I would lie to people, to spare them their feelings. I have lied to myself, millions of times about millions of things for millions of reasons.
It’s… intoxicating, really. You live in a world that doesn’t seem real. You have friends, family, but, nobody really knows you, heck, you don’t even know you. You feel anxious, your fear increases, fear that, one day, your secrets will be found out, that the truth will come forth. You start to believe your own lies, and you lose yourself just a little bit more, every time. This is how I lived, for a very long time, and it’s a habit that can be very difficult to break.
The first time I decided to tell the truth, I felt afraid, but, I was so tired of chasing after my lies, it was so much to cover up, too much to keep up with, and all the reason I was doing it for, didn’t seem truly worth it anymore. I was tired of hiding from those around me, and even more so, tired of hiding from myself. So I did it, I told the truth, and it was the best decision I had made in a very long time. I felt a little sense of pride in myself, I found a little bit of courage in me, courage that I didn’t know still existed.
A few weeks later, still feeling the pangs from the consequences of my past actions, I told my co-worker what had happened, feeling that I had nothing to lose, as she was a completely neutral third party and a person that I never saw outside of work. I told her my secret, how I had spoken my truth, and the consequences that came with it. She listened and responded fairly quickly, as if she had already made up her mind about this sort of topic long before I had started the conversation. She didn’t agree with the fact that I had spoken up, she felt that there were some things we need to die with, some secrets that can never be found out, feeling the freedom of the truth wasn’t worth it.
But, there is something that she didn’t understand. All things are eventually found out. Yes, sometimes, it takes a long time, but, all things, in the end, come to light one way or another. It’s an inevitable principle of life. And it is best that you make peace with yourself before it does, be a part of the movement, be a part of the truth, be in control of the action. Own up to the lies, to the past, to your actions, before the consequences are worse. Because, just as the truth always comes forth, all actions have consequences too. But, I guess some people would rather live with their lies, with their secrets hidden away inside of their hearts, damaging them a bit more everyday, all because they are too afraid of the truth, and of a life of freedom. The way that others live their lives is out of my control. But, I realize now, that that is not how I want to live mine.
Do you want to be free?