Living “Now”

Snapchat-954709193On a few of my past posts, I have mentioned the fact that I tried to grow up too fast for a large portion of my life. I don’t know if this ever happened to anyone else, but, from a very young age, it would make me so uncomfortable to receive help from people, even from my own mom. In elementary school, I started making and selling bracelets, candies, caramel apples, cookies, you name it, I probably sold it. I didn’t like asking my mom for money, so I figured, since I wasn’t old enough to have a job, I would money by doing stuff like this. Apart from being a junior entrepreneur, I also babysat A TON, and I’d help my uncle out in his landscaping business from time to time. As soon as I turned 16, I made my own resume (which was very short- all it included were my grades and babysitting experience), and I applied to a bunch of places that were willing to hire 16-year-olds. I was eventually able to land my first job as a lifeguard in an amusement park… yay:/ (it sucked but I stuck through it for the whole season… somehow)

My hurry to grow up didn’t stop there, unfortunately. I wanted to be in a relationship, a serious one, I wanted to get married young, have kids, all the while having my 11th grade finals right around the corner. I had this idea of how my life would go and I wanted it to happen NOW. I wanted it so badly that I dated people that were much older than I was and in a very different stage in their life. Of course, it never worked out, I was a kid that was acting like an adult, and they were adults that were acting like kids, why else would they be willing to date someone so much younger than they were? – Something I didn’t understand at the time. I thought that, since they were older than I was, they would take it more seriously than a teenage boy my age would. I didn’t realize that there was a reason they were still single and going after girls in high school- a clear sign that I was way too young for all of this, I wasn’t thinking logically and couldn’t (or wouldn’t) such all the red flags.

I wanted to drive, have a car, have good credit, live on my own, I wanted my life to begin! I didn’t see that… it already had. I was so busy trying to escape my problems, trying to escape my life, that I didn’t see that I already had an amazing one. Yes, I had problems, I still do, everyone does, circumstances are never going to be perfect, but, I had, I have people that love me, lots of them, and I love them back! I have friends, family, I have a home, I have my health, I have a job (a crappy one, but I have one), and I’m going to be starting college soon, I have so many opportunities ahead of me, so much living to do, I shouldn’t plan and worry so much, things will happen in their due time. Point is, I am on a journey to truly appreciating all that have right now, and what’s beautiful about that is- that this is something you can continue to work on at any age. We get so caught up in what we want and sometimes we forget to be grateful for all of the good things that are going on in our life. And it probably all sounds silly, but, look at this way- if you don’t appreciate what you have now, especially if you would classify it as “not much”, then what makes you think that you are going to appreciate your life later on when you have “more.”


3 Comments Add yours

  1. mistimaan says:

    Nice post


  2. Diana says:

    I enjoy the way you write! Engaging style and substance 🙂


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